Why do my children always ask me?
I am married with two children and have a equal relationship with my husband. He does his fair share of the housework and parenting (which is probably because I work full time!) – it has not always been the case and when I did work less hours, I did a lot more of the household chores.
I would still argue however that I run the household.
Whilst I may order my shopping to be delivered and pay a cleaner these days. I check the bank balance, order the online shopping, ensure the children have the right things for school, organise play dates and additional childcare, book the dentist appointments etc…… the list goes on……. and if I don’t remember these things, they simply do not happen.
I have organised my life into a complicated system of to do lists.
I don’t resent this but it means I am not the fun parent, I am the one who gets things done.
An example of this would be ….. the other day my husband came up with a brain wave for helping my daughter improve her maths. A work book that she can do in the mornings if she wakes up early…… it was an excellent idea so he downloaded the worksheets with a view to printing them off and there his involvement ended.
My daughter asked me three or four times whether I could print them off for her……… so whilst I was running around doing this and 4 other things ….. whilst my husband watched the footy last Sunday, I wondered to my self – why doesn’t she ask him? why is it me? It was his idea, they discussed it but she wanted me to finish it for her.
I could have refused to do it and requested that she finish the task with her father…….
but then I thought………..
Does she ask me because I get things done? I am the one who sorts everything out. She knows that it will happen if I do it. I am the reliable one. This makes me proud to be “not the fun parent”. This is not to offend my husband, who is a fantastic parent. I have wondered out loud with him why the children always ask me and his response was….”you always give them an answer/solution, if you stop doing that, they will stop asking”. Shortly after this conversation he began to intervene in the exchanges with them to try and help me but somehow it did not work, it did not divert their requests to him. They still ask me first.
In the past I have resented having the dependable role in the house but actually it is a massive compliment. The biggest my children could give me and whilst I don’t always appreciate or enjoy being the one they always ask, I would not have it any other way.
So I will try to remember this when they are driving me nuts and giving me a never ending list of jobs to do. Also, sometimes I will ignore my list of jobs and have a little fun, just to even up the score a little.
Thank you for this guest blog by a fellow Fiercemum.
It is great and totally resonates 🙂
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