Here it comes again.
That sinking feeling when you get the school / nursery letter and it has all the dates on (that start within a couple of days) for sports day and other activities and they are all spread out over the last few weeks of term.
You know that because of your commitments at work you can’t go to them all. You feel like the shittiest parent in the world. Questioning yourself why do I work and miss out on all these special occasions.
It breaks you heart – you know that other mums will be there cheering their little ones on and who will be there to cheer on your baby? You know you can call in a favour (again) and grandma or auntie might be able to make it. Your kids will be happy but you wont be.
It’s crap. No ifs or buts. The guilty feeling. The missing out. The not always being there.
You speak to work and see if you can sneak off for an hour and make the time up – sometimes it’s a yes sometimes it’s a no. You hate having to ask for permission and having to take some of your valuable leave which you need to save up for a family holiday.
It’s a juggling act this work / life balance. You are currently ‘living to work’ day in day out and wonder what it would be like if you could ‘work to live’.
You speak to your other half – he says ‘the kids will be fine it’s just one of those things’ ‘you can’t go to everything’ and doesn’t seem to have that aching guilt that you have. Maybe that way would be easier – but you can’t escape the grip of mummy guilt.
It’s always there, sometimes in the background or sometimes right up in your face.
But it’s always there.
You think for the millionth time I wish I was my own boss. I could pick and choose when I would work. I would see my babies growing up. I could manage my time so much better. I do have what it takes, the drive, determination, experience of doing a thousand tasks at the same time but you don’t do it. Why?
Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being able to provide for your family. Fear of what others will think. Fear of being a big fat failure.
But ask yourself this – What if not following your dreams and living the life you want is failing? What if not doing what you are passionate about and showing your kids that your dreams don’t matter and shouldn’t be pursued is worse than the fear of having a go?
Deep I know – but definitely worth some thought. Time will still pass by anyway.
I can totally relate to all of you that struggle with the work /life balance when working and raising your family. I get it I really do. And I have found it difficult.
Don’t get me wrong sometimes I need space from the kids and enjoy work (it’s easier after all) and that’s ok but I crave flexibility and I crave independence to make my own choices. And if I can have that, whilst following my absolute passion then that has to be a win win for everybody and not just the fastest runner in the race.
If you are thinking about making a change and need some clarity to figure out what you really want then check out my strategy here.
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Find all my blogs and lots of info about me over at my website www.gemmastow.com