#playfighting – what’s that all about

#playfighting

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So this is a little beef of mine!  Apparently it is ok to play fight with Dad / Grandad / Uncle Knobhead but then when the kids hit each other or someone else they get a telling off!

When trying to manage children’s behaviour mixed messages are a big No No!

How an earth can you expect them to behave in an appropriate way when the other half the time they are allowed to punch and kick and play fight!  I just don’t get the appeal and maybe it s a guy thing or I am just a lover not a fighter but this really bugs me especially when it involves friends and family!

Bet you’ve heard it already; ‘boys will be boys’, ‘they need to toughen up’, ‘she needs to be able to stick up for herself’.

I suppose there is a time and a place for a ‘rough and tumble’ and kids like to explore their social skills with other kids and understand their own strength and personal boundaries and it is fun to play in this way.  However as a mum it seems we have an enhanced superpower to spot when play is turning into aggressive behaviour and I am not just talking about the kids!  Some adults just take it too far and this can be seen especially with the boys.

Here are three ways I try to deal with this duplicity….

1.  Discuss with your kids what is acceptable and fun and when it’s time to stop (not easy with the younger ones or when you have both young and old but it is worth investing the time).  Then subtlety challenge the adult who is promoting the play fighting (or taking it too far) by reminding your child of the rules so the adult can hear it too!

2.    Distraction is key – try and distract both of them (the adult and the child) in order to stop the play fighting – Chocolate, TV, alcohol (adult only of course), questions about cars, food, gardening etc….that you probably already know the answer too 😉

3. If all else fails sign them up to a martial arts programme – the rules around using violence outside of the training is a great back up!

Maybe it’s just me and maybe I am being a little harsh and some Dads out there will crucify me for saying all this, but to be honest, all I have ever seen is that a little fun and rough and tumble usually, quickly, gets out of hand and then I find my mother falling out of my mouth “it will end in crying so don’t come crying to me” of course they always do!

FM x

photo cred – http://galleryhip.com

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#legclinging – what’s that all about?

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#legclinging

So we have all been there.  The build up to the goodbye, the look from your little one’s eye, and then they move towards you just as you thought you could escape and there it is the leg cling!  A grip so tight no man could break it!  And that’s not the only grip going on.  For me it’s the grip on my heartstrings!  

Please my darling I will return but first I need to go to work (or shopping, or swimming, the toilet or literally I just need some god damm space for a minute) but no the cling is tighter than ever!

The impact that this can have on me as a mum is huge.  The sense of guilt I feel after tearing away the arms of my gorgeous one and having to say ‘I will be back’, with them looking up at you with disbelief in their eyes, is so difficult to bare.

I cry all the way to work (well for the first five minutes until the dreaded to do list pops into my head) but I can’t stop myself from telling everyone at work that I was ‘leg-clinged’ before work today, so I could at least yield some sympathy from fellow mums to make me feel better again….meanwhile, as soon as I had left, my little one is having a ball – ‘mum, what mum’!

So what’s this all about and what three tips can we do to ease the ‘cling’ (on the leg and heart strings):

1. Remember this is a healthy reaction to separation – it’s not just your little one chucking a guilt trip at you!

2.  A ‘goodbye’ ritual is a good starter – blowing kisses, special words etc helps the little ones get used to you leaving and then returning too!

3. Just leave and don’t stop!  It can be too traumatising for mum and little one if you stall the process and this then becomes a drama for you both!

Hold onto the hope that this does ease with time and to be honest, there will come a point where your little one doesn’t even blink an eye when you leave …now that’s another story for another day and another pull on the good old heart strings! 

FM x

 

photo cred https://lessthancredible.wordpress.com/

#Fiercemum – what’s it all about?

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Fiercemum is a support network for those super cool mums that are doing it all!

We are all mothers and may have different ideas and values about raising our little treasures but we ultimately go through the same experiences and often wonder – what’s it all about?

I am talking about when our little darlings’ are pushing the boundaries and testing our patience on so many levels!

When we are asking ourselves the same questions?  Am I doing the right thing? Why is this not working? Why do I feel like crap?  How has everyone else got this parenting thing sorted? What am I doing so wrong?

I wanted to open up about my own experiences as a working mum and the things that have me being reflective (and often questioning myself) on a daily basis.

You are not alone and I can promise you that there are others feeling exactly how you feel right now!

Same thoughts.  Same pressures.  Same emotions.  Same feelings.  Same love

This parenting game is not easy but is the most rewarding!

I invite you to share this honest and funny (you got to laugh or you might cry) journey with me so I can share my personal experiences and you can choose whether to laugh, cry, take it on board or leave it alone!

After all we are in this together ….

FM x