#Sports Day Failure

Ever Tried (1)

Here it comes again.

 That sinking feeling when you get the school / nursery letter and it has all the dates on (that start within a couple of days) for sports day and other activities and they are all spread out over the last few weeks of term.

You know that because of your commitments at work you can’t go to them all. You feel like the shittiest parent in the world.  Questioning yourself why do I work and miss out on all these special occasions.

 It breaks you heart – you know that other mums will be there cheering their little ones on and who will be there to cheer on your baby?  You know you can call in a favour (again) and grandma or auntie might be able to make it. Your kids will be happy but you wont be.

 It’s crap. No ifs or buts.  The guilty feeling. The missing out.  The not always being there.

 You speak to work and see if you can sneak off for an hour and make the time up – sometimes it’s a yes sometimes it’s a no. You hate having to ask for permission and having to take some of your valuable leave which you need to save up for a family holiday.

 It’s a juggling act this work / life balance. You are currently ‘living to work’ day in day out and wonder what it would be like if you could ‘work to live’.

 You speak to your other half – he says ‘the kids will be fine it’s just one of those things’ ‘you can’t go to everything’ and doesn’t seem to have that aching guilt that you have. Maybe that way would be easier – but you can’t escape the grip of mummy guilt.

It’s always there, sometimes in the background or sometimes right up in your face.

But it’s always there.

 You think for the millionth time I wish I was my own boss. I could pick and choose when I would work. I would see my babies growing up. I could manage my time so much better.  I do have what it takes, the drive, determination, experience of doing a thousand tasks at the same time but you don’t do it. Why?

 Fear.

 Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being able to provide for your family. Fear of what others will think. Fear of being a big fat failure.

 But ask yourself this – What if not following your dreams and living the life you want is failing? What if not doing what you are passionate about and showing your kids that your dreams don’t matter and shouldn’t be pursued is worse than the fear of having a go?

 Deep I know – but definitely worth some thought. Time will still pass by anyway.

I can totally relate to all of you that struggle with the work /life balance when working and raising your family.  I get it I really do.  And I have found it difficult.

Don’t get me wrong sometimes I need space from the kids and enjoy work (it’s easier after all) and that’s ok but I crave flexibility and I crave independence to make my own choices.  And if I can have that, whilst following my absolute passion then that has to be a win win for everybody and not just the fastest runner in the race.

If you are thinking about making a change and need some clarity to figure out what you really want then check out my strategy here.

FM x

Why not come and join our private group and safe space to chat about being working mums

We are growing a fantastic group of high vibe super cool working mums supporting each other through our ups and downs.

See you there.

Fiercemum Group

Find all my blogs and lots of info about me over at my website www.gemmastow.com

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#Clarity in Killer Wellies

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Clarity in Killer Wellies?

Sometimes we forget who we are when we become a mum and being responsible for others.  Focusing so much on how to be the best mother to our children and what being this ‘good mum’ really means.

I know I am a devoted mummy, committed wife, proud daughter, loving sister, loyal friend, and brave entrepreneur.

But is it even possible to be all these things at once?

I used to think so – but more recently I have realised that it is much better (for me and those around me) if I concentrate on being really present in the moment and being the one thing that is needed.  For instance if I am with my kids then I will be mum and not try to be everything else -although as women I understand we have the multi tasking gene which can be hard to deny- but this has started to feel so much better for me and my life.

It means I can show up FULLY as the women I want to be in that moment.

It is totally ok to not always want to be ‘mum’ and to be something or someone else.

To remember who you were before you became a mum.

This is also one of the reasons I love to work as it gives me independence and is a reminder of who I am, but it is also important to have some time out for reflection.

Who else am I? Have I forgotten what actually lights me up?  What do I love to spend hours chatting or reading about or actually out there doing?

What or who would I be if all my nearest and dearest said ‘here go and find yourself and get some clarity’. What would be the outcome. It’s an interesting one that’s for sure.

Last year I went on some training.  It was about creative arts.  No one else could go so I thought why the hell not.  What I didn’t realise was that the training would be an absolute revelation for me.

I am usually always the first to say “somebody else better do this part I’m not very creative”.  But on this training we delved into our childhood to see how creative we actually were.  It turns out that once I started reliving my memories I am bloody creative and I am an outdoorsy type; piano, art, photography, drama, gymnastics, swimming, walking, writing, orienteering, den building, making fires, camping, roller skating, skateboarding, biking the list goes on and on.

Nature. Yes! That’s my thing. So why do I spend hardly anytime in it?  Why have I forgotten?

I LOVE wearing my wellies.

Something calming comes over me.

A sense of freedom and that I can do bloody anything I want (my equivalent to killers heels)

In my wellies the world is truly my oyster!

They say go back to your 8 year old self to gain insight.

What is it you really love to do? What are you passionate about that maybe you have forgotten or just not had time for recently?

Isn’t it time we found out what we truly love and enjoy, so we can show our children how they can be great too!

Here’s to clarity – may it keep us sane.

FM x

 

Why not come and join our private group and safe space to chat about being working mums 🙂

We are growing a fantastic group of high vibe super cool working mums

supporting each other through our ups and downs.

See you there.

Fiercemum Group

 

#resilience

1 The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness:
2 The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity:

Children might as well be elastic bands.

I can’t quite believe how resilient children are. Sometimes it takes me by complete surprise and tugs on my heart strings. And now is the time I need to learn from them.

We moved house this year which meant that my daughter would have to change schools. She didn’t want to. But I wanted her to make friends she would have into secondary school.

Watching her on her first day. Brave but nervous. Nobody speaking to her as she was the only stranger in the playground.

My heart was broken.

Thoughts of ‘what have I done to my baby?’ ‘Was it worth the move?’ ‘Will she make any friends?’

Holding back my tears as she asked me to stand nearby, but not too close. She went in.

Fast forward three months and she is the definition of resilience. On the rare occasions I walk her to school (when I can escape work) she holds my hand, until arriving at school and then off she goes and doesn’t look back.

I can literally feel my heart melting. You ever had that? Melting from love and a certain proudness that only comes from watching those bundles of joy you helped shape and watched grow.  It’s F’ing amazing. Nothing compares.

This is my inspiration. It’s my time to show resilience. And I will. I won’t look back. I’ll go forward, be brave, yes nervous, but also proud that I’m actually surrounded by resilience that will support my journey.

I have done it before, through PND, through losing my dad, through hurting my back and I can do it again.

Broken Mind, Heart and Body.

Shit happens and happens for a reason – to make you stronger!

People are resilient; so am I, so are you.

You may be going through some tough times, making big decisions, feeling alone or unsure, but there is always a way through.  You have the answers inside of you, sometimes we just need space and clarity to find them!

Whatever your journey, you got this girl!

‘ you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have ‘.

Bob Marley

FM x

#bedtime-what bedtime? 

ZZZ sleep

So recently I’ve been thinking…’I should have followed that Gina Ford woman’……’stick to your guns’, ‘get a routine’ ..but no not me.  Had my own plans and definitely made that rod for my back!

Bedtime and children – is there actually such a thing? Does it exist? I used to think so. And pretty much thought I had it sorted! Easy going parents with a new baby, go out for dinner, timing is everything and sometimes actually managed to eat a meal while baby slept…..(this is actually a distorted but sweet memory I’m sticking to for now. More on sleep dep another time)

Seven years on, and with additional sibling, bedtime is driving me insane.

I actually think I’m losing the plot.

Every evening I start positive. Give them the ten minute warnings, promise story time if they get pjs on and brush their teeth (yes I know good old blackmail) but even after giving everything, my heart and soul, after a long day at work it’s….’mummy warm me up’, ‘mummy read another story’, ‘mummy are their any tigers?’, ‘mummy where’s bunny?’, ‘mummy can I sleep in your bed?’, ‘mummy can you sleep in my bed?’, ‘mummy let’s play teachers’, ‘mummy you’re the pink power ranger’, ‘mummy I need a wee’, ‘mummy I need a poo’. ‘Mummy Oopps …. I’ve had a poo!’

Yep you know those little gems! I know I’m not the most patient woman in the world, and I do try, but sometimes I want to scream. Then, by the time I’ve been up and down the stairs for what feels like a 100 times, they settle, things go quiet…ssshhhh yes it’s me time what shall I watch or read?????

I can’t believe it so do a ‘last check’….THE most fatal mistake of all (don’t do it) it’s then the dreaded creak of the floorboard, you can guess the rest….

Why do my kids wake up when I, and only I, step on the bloody creaky floorboards.  My other half can bang, creak, sneeze, cough, or do F’ing DIY and the kids don’t wake up, but for me, nope, totally different story.  I totally believe it stems back to the baby sleep dep era and me creeping around the house like a zombie on hot coals!

Anyway, they wake up again!! Arrrragh.

Sometimes it’s gone 9pm when they finally sleep and I’m ready for bed…..where’s my evening gone. The only time I get to myself to relax.

So I convince myself  ‘nope I won’t waste it’ and stay up determined to enjoy it….

…Until I wake up on the couch with spilt red wine!

Did Gina ever wake up on the couch after hours of back and forth at bedtime….?

And would she ever be brave enough to admit it?

Doubt it.

FM x

photo cred http://www.instawebgram.com

#refusingmedication – what’s that all about?

medicine

#refusingmedication

So is it just me or is Calpol the only medicine that kids will take?

Recently I had experience of the down right refusal of prescribed medication from my gorgeous little one!  To be honest this has happened before (a few years ago) so I have had to fight the battle of eye drops and antibiotics (no not the banana one the pink one!!)

Both times it was like I was trying to give them poison!  Its so heartbreaking watching your little one be poorly in the first place and you just wish you could take it away even if that was to be poorly yourself!  So then when you try to help and make them better and they scream in your face, cry and have a tantrum it’s frustrating to say the least.

The first time I tried all the old tricks: hidden in milkshake, bribery with sweets and chocolate, the dragon and the knight and so on…but no it got so bad I had to ring the doctors and go back to get a different flavoured prescription – how bloody embarrassing – a mother who cannot get her child to take medication FFS!

The whole thing can make you feel crap on lots of levels; ‘I can’t be a good mum if I can’t get my child to take medicine’, ‘I am not caring or looking after them properly’, ‘I’m making them feel worse when they are already poorly’, and on a totally selfish note ‘I need them to get better so I can get my life back!’

Three things I found helped:

1. Get somebody else to give the medication – usually someone they want to impress

2. Use a syringe if poss!  Try and squirt it to bypass the taste buds or try sucking ice to numb them (them, not you with a G&T – that’s for afterwards!)

3.  Empower them and let them do it themselves (can be tricky when they are too young) but they could choose when they have it (after bath time, before the story, after breakfast …)

I have so much respect for those mums out there that have the medication issue on a daily basis and long term and are true professionals at this!

Its not easy…but then not much is when you love the little darlings so much!

FM x